Archive for April, 2010

Recently Ciara has been sexually assaulting anyone with a television and a pair of working eyes. Her video, Ride, just might be dirtier than a highway strip club, not that I have ever been to one but i heard they aren’t clean places to have dinner. Just imagine the video coming to you with a 3D television. I think you would be saying ‘no touching’ instead of vice-versa. Often the video goes beyond sexual though and is just odd when she pops and locks it and does crazy arm moves….. I don’t know many guys who are losing it over her crazed arms, but if it gives us any insight it is protect your face when with her. If you can take your eyes off her ‘hips’, you will notice she is reppin’ the ATL with a Braves game issued fitted.

I think I can pin point the reason….Its not the late 90’s star Larry Jones, some of you may call him Chipper. I think its the up-n-coming, the second coming of Griffey, or commonly known as Torii Hunter’s black friend: Jason Heyward who has already hit 5 homers but is only hitting .239. Anyways like I was saying with Ciara creasing your 59/50 and Heyward  giving  the Braves a fresher look, ATL might not be a bad spot to be this summer.

For a list of strip clubs in the area ask anyone from all male school in the there!

Special Thanks to our future contributor The Sandrant for showing me “why her kids won’t have television”

Salute

-The Bearded Guy

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Jersey Shore season 2 is currently filming so I thought I’d give an update on everyone’s favorite TV show.  This is some info I’ve learned from scouring the internet.  I know you could just as easily look everything up instead of reading it here but I’ve done all the work so you don’t have to.  Reverse Oreo Sports is here for you.  We got your back.

The gang's all here, even Angelina

Season 2 will start in Miami and then return to New Jersey once the juiceheads and skanks…errr….women of questionable character make their yearly pilgrimage back the Jersey Shore.  The cast will again be put to work.  It seems they will be working at Lecca-Lecca Gelato Café.  No word on if they’ll be working at the t-shirt shop once they go back to Jersey.  I hope so.  I miss seeing those MILF Hunter t-shirts.

I'd buy this shirt

The original cast is back.  Yes, that means Angelina (the self-proclaimed Kim Kardashian of Staten Island) will be back, cock-blocking her way into everyone’s heart.  I read that she actually showed up with real luggage this time, not trash bags.  Maybe her married boyfriend bought them for her.  I’m disappointed.  I thought her not yet divorced boyfriend would’ve knocked her up by now.  I still think she doesn’t last a full season.  Word is that the other cast members on the show are not happy with her being back and they don’t get along with her.  This can’t be good for her lasting ability.

Don't get too attached, she won't last, again

J-WOWW was said to be upset with having to endure another season of the show.  I bet she’s not upset with earning 10 large an episode.  She says she’s not friends with any of the cast members except Snooki.  I hope her attitude changes because she was too quiet in season one.  I kept waiting for her break-out moment but it never happened.  Yes, that shot to The Situation’s grill was nice but I think she has more potential.  Hopefully J-WOWW goes into season 2 unfettered and just grinds on every guy she sees.  Wait…that’s what she did in season one.  I mean, I want to see a J-WOWW hook-up and flame out.  That would be very entertaining.  She’s decided against getting more breast implants.  Booooo!!!!  J-WOWW already has some of the worst fake tits so why not get more and make herself into a cartoon character.

Why am I here, I hate everyone, except Snooki

Ronnie has been exonerated from his one-sided fight with that douche from last season.  He has split from Sammi in between the reunion and the new tapings.  “I cut girls quicker than barbers do.”?????  He was so whipped in season 1 that I believe he (tries to) hooks up Sammi in season 2 but that would be a shame.  Please Ronnie, stay away from that wet noodle Sammi and let your freak flag fly.  I also heard that Ronnie and J-WOWW are writing a book called, “Never Fall In Love On The Jersey Shore”.  I wonder if they write their drafts in crayon?

Come at me bro!

Will this be the season where Snooki finally hooks up?  You better believe it!  Seems Snooki has given up tanning for sun in a bottle.  Wow!  I hope this doesn’t kill the tanning industry.  Who cares how she gets her look since we all know that she or any of the other cast members can’t be bothered to lay out in the REAL sun.  The sun of South Beach will be wasted on them.  The one thing I know is that a lot of pickles will be eaten.

The sun is for suckers

I don’t have a lot to say about Sammi, DJ Pauly D, Vinny and The Situation.  Sammi will most likely be playing Ronnie and The Situation against each other while sucking the fun out of everything the gang is trying to do.  DJ Pauly D has been making mad money spinning all over the US.  I hope his Israeli stalker, ex-girlfriend shows up in Miami and Jersey.  That would be fantastic.  Vinny is just Vinny.  Even though in my last Jersey Shore post I said we would see a big change in Vinny, I’ve changed my mind and bet he’ll be the same as season 1.  He’ll be the smartest and funniest cast member on the show.  “How’s my dick taste bro?”  The Situation will finally hook up in season two but he’ll strikeout more than he scores.

No more grenades

I read MTV is looking into a Snooki-Situation spin-off.  How awesome would that be?  Also, it seems MTV is looking for more juiced-up, tanned cast members to join during season 2.  This is a great idea.  Having others join will insure the longevity of the show.  As much as I like Jersey Shore, I think the original cast will get old during or after this season.  Adding fresh meat will make the transition between seasons easier.  Jersey Shore 20!!!  Let’s make it happen.  Hopefully these new cast members are fresh and not knock-offs of the original cast.  There’s only one Situation.

You know you would so watch The Situation and Snooki Show

Three months until the season two premier.  GTL for life!!!!

Special thanks to:

mtv.com, tmz.com, miamiherald.com, ew.com, nydailynews.com

Number 2-5

The NFL draft just concluded yesterday but all the talk has stemmed from Day 1 and the Broncos taking Tim Tebow in the first round with the 25th pick overall. It had the recently mute Blasian blowing up everywhere besides the blog he writes for. Let me remind readers of  his specialties, NASCAR and Basketball, but he is positive this is the worst pick EVER. On the other hand, I am not opposed to the pick instead I would have actually taken him at 1(22) and not have worried about trading all the picks to Baltimore, but the draft slot is worth it to jump a head of franchises who had been very serious about taking Tebow in Buffalo,  Seattle, Tampa or Cleveland. So Denver got a little antsy 1 (25) but besides that here’s what I like about him.

Proven Hard Working Guy and Willing to take any role:

Freshman year comes in as one of the most sought after players in the country to a second string role to Gator Nation chagrin, they were not huge on Chris Leak by then. But he provided hard nosed running and a few jump passes and Florida rolled to a title.

Took over a team and became the vocal leader and pressure:

Put into the starting role, he  statistically dominated his sophomore year with the cabinet cleaned of a lot of the talent that had won the title Tebow kept them a float in a middle year. Adding a Heisman trophy, finalist the next two years.

Applies the pressure:

Coming in as favorites to win it all Tebow and the Gators falter fairly early to Ole Miss in which  Tebow gives the speech declaring no one would  play as hard or lead like him… etc basically he was going to be beast among children.  Thus he public took responsibility for the team’s success and failure and continued to produce.

Student of the game:

I really was somebody ask Kentucky

Recognizing the Florida system does not easily convert to the NFL he went out of his way to work on his delivery and foot work. He impressed enough people with his raw abilities at the combine. Tebow with the desire to be a NFL quarterback at all costs has put it all on the table, he is not Eric Crouch (another Heisman winning quarterback from a different college system) who thought he would give the QBing thing a shot his way and hopefully someone would fit him. Tebow is reinvented. If this was basketball Tebow’s ceiling would be about a Duke journey man like Laettner but then again this isn’t basketball.

Can't Miss

Systems are far more advanced in football, and its been proven that  those willing to put in the time in the film room and working to develop a knowledge of other teams can be the most successful players in the game. I would like to recall the 1998 Draft of a couple of kids named: Peyton and Ryan. Both declared can’t miss guys, great college careers and honors, but Mr Leaf was more of the guy you saw at the club than in the film room, and he became known as one of the biggest busts in draft history. Peyton on the other hand was forced into the starting role early and took some lumps but eventually became the premiere quarterback in the league, basically calling the offense on his own. P.M. does have a great arm, but have you seen this guy move? He is slower than anything, but as a student of the game, he has made himself into the most frustrating players to defend against.  This is only possible in football, and this is the real reason I think Tebow has a shot.

Get one thing straight…I am not a Florida fan, I actually hated Tebow in college, and I will continue to hate him as he plays for Denver. But I also think he is going to hurt us (The Chiefs) in the near future. Bottom line: Nike signed him…..

Show to Watch: Breaking Bad, got to love a cancer stricken chemistry teacher go off the deep end and start cookin‘! Thanks you AMC, can’t wait to see Don Draper again soon.

who said Walt doesn't Party

Salute

-The Bearded Guy

Before I post my Jersey Shore update I thought I’d put out an amber alert on one of the writers of this blog, Kennedy Wong.  He was last seen on the pages of dmzsports.wordpress.com writing his weekly/bi-weekly/monthly/quarterly/???? Simply RiCOCKulous on March 17, 2010.  Don’t get me wrong, I like not having to turn my speakers down to read his posts but he does add a unique perspective on things going on in and out of the world of sports.  

This guy is a Blasian but it's not Kennedy Wong

 

If you see him, please ask him to sit in front of his computer and come up with some witty comments like only he can.  Actually, if you see him, tell him to spend less time on Facebook and more time contributing to this site.  How will you recognize him?  Since he’s a huge hoops fan, he should have a Memphis Tigers jersey on or an NBA jersey of whatever team is hot at the moment.  Since he’s such a huge NASCAR fan, maybe he’s wearing his Dale Jr. jacket or something like that.  And since he’s a huge football fan, he’ll probably be wearing something USC related and talking about how great the Trojans will be since he’s going to be going to school there.  Whatever he’s wearing, you’ll also notice him by the decibel level in your area suddenly going up by a power of ten when he enters the room. 

This is probably hanging in Kennedy's closet

 

Blasian, I miss you, The Bearded One misses you and Sitting Pugs misses you.  Come back soon.

Its been almost a month since we have heard from Kennedy Wong and Sittingpugs whispering sweet nothings to each other through Sports blogs, so I thought I would call this the Simply-Wongless to replace The Blasians “weekly, I mean bi-weekly, oh wait lets just make it quarterly” Simply Ricockulous. I thought you were are NBA guy or basketball guy….hasn’t there been big signings at the college ranks and playoff match ups? Fam, you truly are the one who is Ricockulous!

"Since Kennedy Wong isn't here no one on DMZ sports loves me! "

-DMZ sports

Video of the week:

Can you believe he plays D-3?

I have been on the side of Tiger Woods through his whole ordeal.  Not the, “hooking up with pornstars” part, but the, “he doesn’t owe anyone anything” part.  Now, I’m starting to get sick of his act and he’s only been back for one tournament.   

WTF was that Nike commercial supposed to sell other than Tiger Woods?  It really turned me off and I’m not the only one.  I would have been better off if I didn’t know anything that happened with him personally.  Either tell us nothing or tell us everything.  You can’t tell us nothing and then air a commercial where I’m supposed to feel sorry for you because your deceased father is questioning your behavior.  Woe is Tiger.  My ass!  

  

Jim Nantz spoke out against Tiger’s behavior at The Masters and I’m gonna have to agree with him.  Damn you Jim Nantz!  Not only are you the undisputed voice of any sport but you also know what most of us are thinking.  Thank God we have Jim Nantz to say the things we can’t.  I don’t care if golfers swear at a tournament but Tiger told us he was going to change and he didn’t.  If it’s this hard to control his emotions on the course, how are we supposed to believe that he’s a changed man off it?  Why do I care if he’s a changed man?  Because he held that staged press conference and told us that he was going to change and I believed him.  

Nantz could read the phone book and I'd listen

Don’t get me wrong, this elevation of Phil Mickelson as a wholesome family man bit isn’t my cup of tea either.  Phil Mickelson has always been that way so why choose to spotlight him now?  It’s because we as a society like to build people up only to knock them down.  Tiger could do no wrong before and now that he’s down and out, comparing him to Mickelson outside of golf makes his fall even greater.   

He's always been wholesome

Tiger finished fourth at The Masters but it’s like he was miles away from Lefty.  I just wonder how the coverage would have changed if Tiger had won The Masters?  I think the media and the coverage would have quickly turned to,” The Redemption of Tiger”, and all his antics on the course would have been overlooked.  Mickelson would have been the guy who lost to Tiger, again and we wouldn’t have cared about his family’s fight with cancer.  Just as Tiger can’t have it both ways, neither can the broadcasters and press.  Pick a side.  Tiger is a scumbag or Tiger deserves forgiveness.  Don’t wait to see how the tournaments play out to make up your mind.  

Like The Godfather used to say, "Pimpin' ain't easy."

Tiger, either change your ways or don’t.  I don’t care either way but don’t try to portray yourself as the tragic hero who fell from grace.  If you want to ride the hoe train then do it.  If you want to change and be the Tiger we thought you were then do that.  I personally would feel better if he just admitted everything and was this edgy, Tiger that golf hated but the casual golf fans liked.  Like John Daly, except a million times better.  

Tiger, like this guy, only better, and without those silly pants

I know this is about a week late but I still stand behind what I say.  It’s too early to win the AL Central and it’s also too early to write someone off.  I don’t like everything I’m seeing from the Chicago White Sox but nothing has changed my mind on this season.   

The Chicago White Sox will win the American League Central.  And, as Billy Packer used to say, “Let me tell you why.”  Unlike Packer, I will try not to be (too much of) an a-hole and condescending.  Plus, unlike our old friend Billy Packer, you will not hear me say, “Do you know who I am?”  

The White Sox are stacked. They have the best starting pitching in the division and their lineup is strong.  Sure the Detroit Tigers will score more runs but they’ll need to in order to win with that suspect pitching.  The Minnesota Twins were picked to win the division, then Joe Nathan went down and that’s a huge blow for them.  The guy’s almost automatic.  Cleveland is far from being a contender and Kansas City is, well, Kansas City.   

Pitching:  

Starters  

White Sox: Buehrle, Peavy, Floyd, Danks, Garcia  

Detroit: Verlander, Porcello, Scherzer, Bonderman, Willis  

Cleveland: Westbrook, Carmona, Masterson, Huff, Talbot  

Minnesota: Baker, Blackburn, Pavano, Slowey, Liriano  

Kansas City: Greinke, Hochevar, Davies, Bannister, TBD  

The White Sox have four solid starters.  If Garcia can pitch at least six innings in his starts it will be a plus.  Peavy threw a lot of pitches in his first start but when he’s on he’s unstoppable.   

I'll take Buehrle in a big game any day of the week.

After Verlander and Porcello, the Tigers don’t look good.  Scherzer has a losing career record, Bonderman hasn’t been the same since his surgery and Dontrelle Willis hasn’t been relevant in three years.  I would be surprised if Willis is still in the starting lineup at the All-Star break.     

I used to be somebody. The D-Train is off the tracks.

I like Jake Westbrook for the Indians but let’s not forget that Carmona was so bad last year that he was sent to single-A to get his stuff back.  Masterson came over in the Victor Martinez trade and I don’t think Boston’s missing him.   

Minnesota has Baker, Blackburn and Slowey and they’re solid but I’m not sold on Pavano and Liriano.  I’ll be surprised if Pavano doesn’t get hurt.  He can pitch but he has to be on the mound to be effective.  I bet the Yankees wish they hadn’t spent all that money on him.  Francisco Liriano was supposed to be the “it” guy a few years ago and then he went south.  He just made the starting lineup because Minnesota had no other options and nowhere else to put him.   

Remeber this guy Yankee fans?

This may surprise you but I really like Kansas City’s starting pitching.  They don’t have a #5 but those four are going to be good.  Greinke was on fire last year and Hochevar is coming around and will live up to being the number one pick.  These four pitchers are all young and have a great future.  They will get paid very well in the future.  Unfortunately for Royals fans it won’t be in a KC uniform.   

Greinke will look good in a Yankee uniform

 Closers  

White Sox: Jenks  

Detroit: Valverde  

Cleveland: C. Perez  

Minnesota: Closer by committee  

Kansas City: Soria  

This is close but I give a slight edge to Kansas City and Detroit in the closer role.  Bobby Jenks is good but when he’s off, he’s way off.  He had a bit of a shaky end to last season and he’s got a slight calf strain but that should heal up very soon.  He lost some weight and maybe that helps him.  Joakim Soria was injured for part of last year but he should be fine this year.  He throws hard and strikes people out which is what you want from a closer.  Jose Valverde is unstoppable at times but is known to blow a save here and there.  He already has one blown save in this early season.  Chris Perez is listed as the Indians closer but Cleveland is waiting for Kerry Wood to come back from (another) injury.  Don’t get too attached to Wood Indian fans, he’s a china doll.  

 If Joe Nathan doesn’t hurt his elbow we’re not even having this conversation.  He’s about as automatic as you can get.  As soon as Nathan would come into the game you knew it was over.  Now, Minnesota is still looking for a closer and none of the guys on their roster looks promising.   

Automatic. Just not this year.

Hitting:  

Check out this lineup:  Juan Pierre, Gordon Beckham, Carlos Quentin, Paul Konerko, AJ Pierzynski, Mark Kotsay/Andruw Jones, Alex Rios, Mark Teahan, Alexei Ramirez  

Juan Pierre has gotten off to a slow start but he can turn it around and be a terror on the base paths.  Gordon Beckham is going to be a stud in this league and he’s gonna be better at the plate than last year.  He’s got star written all over him.  If Alex Rios can go back to his old form, this lineup will be hard to pitch around.  It’s pretty nice being able to platoon Kotsay and Jones at DH.  Jones is getting up there in years (and weight) but he still has a little life left in his bat.  Plus, Kotsay can pretty much play anywhere on the field.   

The next big thing?

Detroit will lead the Central, if not baseball, in runs scored but they will need to in order to stay in games.  Miguel Cabrera and Magglio (Fagglio to White Sox fans) Ordonez will carry the team.  Cabrera will be flirting with the Triple Crown all season and Maggs will find his form again as long as he’s healthy.  The Tigers will miss Curtis Granderson for sure.  Austin Jackson hasn’t proven anything except that he can strike out a lot and that’s not good for your lead-off man.  Brandon Inge will flirt with .300 for about two months and then fall back to his career average of .234 with a ton of strikeouts.  How many chances does this guy get?  Fan favorite or not, he sucks.  A black player wouldn’t have been given this long to try to make it.  I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.  

Nice tattoos loser! Scott Spiezio is not impressed.

Minnesota has a lot more than Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau.  Those two guys alone would be enough to carry most teams but there’s also Delmon Young, Jim Thome, Orlando Hudson and Denard Span.  Jim Thome is not gonna hit for average but he’ll knock in runs when they need him to.  Span is coming off a good year and is a .300 hitter in his first two seasons.  Can this team produce some insurance runs for a suddenly questionable bullpen?  

Mauer OWNS Minnesota

Cleveland was just awful last year.  Grady Sizemore has to bounce back or it will be another long season for the Indians again this year.  Shin-Soo Choo was Mr. Everything for the Tribe last year and I think he’ll have to do more of the same this year.  Travis Haffner hasn’t lived up to they hype and probably never will.  He was supposed to be a poor man’s Jim Thome but now he’s more like a poor man’s poor man’s Jim Thome.  The Indians added Austin Kearns but that’s not much of a boost considering he had two terrible seasons for the Nationals before going to Cleveland.  Maybe a change of scenery will help.   

Breaking hearts instead of getting hits

Kansas City isn’t stacked but they have some bright spots.  Rick Ankiel will probably hit very well for this team.  Jason Kendall should be solid even though he’s on the downside of his career.  David DeJesus is a career .290 hitter and Jose Guillen, as long as he doesn’t do any home surgeries or go ballistic, should provide some punch to the lineup.  The wild card in the lineup is Scott Podsednik.  He revived his career with the White Sox last year and can still get on base.  The speed is still there but defensively, he’s not that great.    

That’s the American League Central in a nutshell.  This race should last the whole season.  There’s no way anyone is running away with this division.  Some teams will drop out sooner than others (Cleveland and Kansas City) but it should be a three team race for the entire season.  Chicago, Detroit and Minnesota will be within striking distance of each other going into September.  A trade or non-trade might make the difference in the end.  If the Tigers falter, they’ll look to unload some of their high-priced guys.  That team is bleeding money and fans will stop going if the teams not contending.  Miguel Cabrera is on the Red Sox wish list and would love nothing more than to have the Tigers fall off the AL Central pace.  Minnesota has a new ballpark and that will be huge for them.  No more baggies in the outfield.   

In the end, the Chicago White Sox have too much pitching and too much depth in the lineup.  This team knows how to fight and win games when the time comes.  I fear an early season slump because that’s what they’ve done lately.  Don’t get too excited or too bummed in April because you can’t really figure out what’s happening until June.  

Fagglio!!!!