“Simply RiCOCKulous” (Mar 1 – 8, 2010)

In the words of the immortal Eric B. & Rakim “It’s been a long time, and I shouldn’t have left you, without a dope blog by the Blasian to step to!” or something to that effect..(Let’s not quibble over the particulars). Here in the land of 김치 (Kim Chi) things have been pretty busy…I had about 2 weeks vacay, visited a homie out in 대구(Daegu), my computer broke down on me, was introduced to my new favorite Korean food 찜닭 (Chim Dalk; only to find out there are no restaurants by me that sell it) and moved apts.  So as you can see, I’ve had a pretty busy couple of weeks…but still that’s no excuse.  So without further adieu let’s get into this week’s…..“Simply RiCOCKulous”!! 

1) Those of you who know the Blasian personally, know that I can be called a lot of things… i.e; Loveable, Sarcastic, All-Powerful, Handsome, Awe –inspiring, A Modern-Day Adonis, and most importantly HUMBLE….but Fashionista is definitely NOT one of them.  However, this latest assault on my eyes makes me want to audition for the next season of Project Runway, just so I can have some credentials behind my name when I slap the people responsible for these New Orleans Hornets Jersey’s. 

The WORST JERSEY's EVER!!

 

Congrats, we have a winner in the UGLIEST Sports Jersey’s EVER, contest!   I am 100% positive, that if you sat The Joker and Liberace in a room together with a mountain of PCP, then told them to create a basketball jersey…. that this is what they would have come up with!  I mean I know it’s Mardi Gras and the folks in “Ouisiana” just won the Super Bowl, but COME ON!! This is just hurtful and mean!!….Needless to say those are NBA Players not employees at Popeye’s Chicken (no offense, b/c I like Popeye’s chicken) and should not be dressed like Clowns. 

Why So Serious Kennedy?!...I LOVE THOSE UNI's!

 

Just  think of what you guys will say when you wake up from your month-long party hangover and turn on the tube to see your beloved Chris Paul and the Hornets in those jersey’s! I know, I know a pretty sobering thought indeed! But the real victim here is Mr. Chris Paul.  Not only does he have to basically play by himself night in and night out, but now he’s forced to dress like a disciple of Barney the Dinosaur?!?!…Have some heart and compassion, New Orleans.  Not just for poor lil Chris Paul but also for my retina’s…..PLEASE BURN these Jersey’s right away.. 

We Love Them Too!!!

 

I mean you guys were already so embarrassed that you put NOLA on the jersey and not New Orleans or the Hornets, b/c some people might actually get confused by the abbreviation and not be able to pin it back on you guys…So to whatever individuals created and then made an NBA team wear these affronts to professionalism I say….. “Simply RiCOCKulous” 

 

2) Canadian Exuberance!…Before I start let me 1^st say that I LOVE CANADA!…well more specifically just Toronto!  In a perfect world,  during the summer months of my retirement from working I want to live in Toronto. It’s absolutely one of my favorite cities in the World.  It’s got the diversity that makes America great, the bustle of a Major Global City and yet still maintains some of the serenity of a close-knit community. However, the Rest of Canada can pretty much disappear and I’d be pretty cool with it. I didn’t always feel this way until just recently.  And yea, I know Congrats are in order for winning on the most Gold Medals for this year’s Winter Olympics! But this whole we WON the Olympics and are the BEST COUNTRY EVER now, thing really needs to calm down! 

You see, after Americans, the 2^nd most represented nation of foreigners here in Korea is Canadians! (Which has lowered their national population from 500 – 400 people)  and boy have they been OBNOXIOUS!  So let’s take a deeper look into Oh Canada’s Olympic Performance.  The Leaf State, (hey we all know it’s a matter of time b4 annexation) Canada had 14 Gold Medals and 26 Total.  A great feat indeed but come on, Curling???..Not really a sport so we’ll take that down to 13 Gold’s and 24 (they won the silver in Curling  too) total. 

On the other hand….The U.S. set an Olympic Record this year, nope, not for having the most inappropriate post victory pictures.  but for winning the MOST MEDALS EVER  (37; which by the way is 11 more than your total including the non-sport of Curling) in WINTER OLYMPICS HISTORY!! But you don’t hear us sounding like we just got Carte Blanche to invade another country!!  (at least I don’t think so) 

That’s because the US doesn’t really care about the Winter Olympics that much….I mean I personally watched about 30 mins total of the Olympics and that all came in the form of highlights on my comp or Korean TV, which shows Kim Yu Na, every 5 seconds..(Even as you read this she’s in some obscure Korean TV commercial…yes, now!). 

Yep, here she is AGAIN!!

 

And we only watched the Hockey Final b/c it would have been historic to say we beat you guys in the game that’s on your money.    So to all you Canadian’s who won’t shut up about it…Here’s a little reminder…Canada as a nation is still…“Simply RiCOCKulous”! 

 

3) In case you haven’t noticed, there is no Football being played right now…and if you are just like me the PS3 football game is just not like watching the real thing.  However, the wonderful thing about the NFL is that even though there is an off-season, the League is never really on vacation. Right now the combine is going strong and Free-Agency is about to pop off.  Which brings us to sad, sad news that is the release of Mr. LaDainian Tomlinson from the Whale’s Vagina Chargers!! In the back of my mind I know that all professional sports are simply a  business but the LT has done more for Chargers organization than any other RB in the team’s HISTORY!  Don’t believe me take some time out and check out his stats.    So, where’s the loyalty?!?!  And you even made the man cry at his press conference. 

Due to this the Blasian and the rest of the Reverse Oreo Family will def be wishing, Mr. Tomlinson  good luck (and most likely your partner in crime Darren Sproles too) on your new address.  But take solace in this Mr. Tomlinson, The CHARGERS run attack will SUCK next year…May the Football Gods shine favor on you!!   And to the Business Nature of the Game I say.…“Simply RiCOCKulous”! 

  

It aint right to make LT cry!!

 

Honorable Mention: 

I finally saw the LeBron James and Gang movie, “More Than A Game” and came away very impressed. A definite recommend to anyone who loves LeBron James, Akron Ohio, Sports or Basketball Movies in general.  It hits on a lot of subjects like  father-son relationships, overcoming your environment and the pitfalls of fame at a young age.  So if you haven’t seen the movie yet go see it and this …  “Simply RiCOCKulous” is for you!
 

  

– Kennedy Wong  a.k.a. The BLASIAN

The Canadian Five Dollar Bill!

This isn't Funny Money, it's just funny

Olympics again. A question came to me after today’s hockey game what does the Canadian 5 dollar bill stand for….? I had three guesses

1) The number of goals given up to the United States team on Sunday night

2) Or does the 5 that stands for the popularity of Hockey in America, behind Football, Basketball, Baseball, and Auto Racing.

3) or the most economical choice, that it’s the conversion rate of Canadian dollar for the US dollar:  for every 3 given up the US gets 5.  If that’s not the conversion rate, it soon will be. People will be in a tear to get out of the country, your past time is gone!

Canada, you put kids playing hockey on your money! How did we beat you?

It's so big, Stanley!

Most Americans can’t tell you who won the last two Stanley Cups, not to mention its been almost two decades since a team from Canada won Lord Stanley’s over compensating thing, I mean it’s like a 55 year old with a Corvette Convertible.  Although our current players were raised in the Mighty Duck era, so we have the Gordon Bombay drive, there is no excuse for losing to us.  You should just submit your application for statehood now because it seems like we are already home in Vancouver!

As Tony Kornheiser says “Good Night Canada!”

The Bearded Guy

Olympics: How to Make Things Awkward!

As most of our readers know, we are English teachers in Korea. Now I am in a similar boat as The Mark, I do not really care who wins these Olympic games or who participates in them. Sure if its on I will be watching, but I do not know the schedule, the athletes or many of the story lines besides what Tony and Michael talk about during the Morning PTI, 5:30 PM Eastern/7:30 Am KST. 

I believe the correct term is Photo terrorism.

According to them, PETA is not thrilled with Johnny Weir,  I could have gone without seeing his costumes. But If I had to witness them so you do! Anyways beyond that and the talks of Lindsey Vonn’s calf, I did not know whats happening with the American teams and individuals in Vancouver. 

That all changed yesterday as my administrator turned on the Korean broadcast of the Olympics. During what happen to be one of their main events, Speed Skating.  Now I have seen Koreans practicing speed skating….I have never seen any one in the United States speed skate. So I thought, ‘cool’, we are head to head, they can celebrate their victory of over America and it will all be a great day.’ 

Things started out great, we were in second with about 6 runs left, my administrator turned to me and fist pumped after one of the runs….Let them celebrate its Speed Skating… a crowd of the teachers started to gather around the computer and take in the event. This was going to be their Gold! 

Enter Shani Davis of Chicago,  and the second to last heat, six of us watching: four teachers, one administrator, and the foreigner (me),  mix in a language barrier and you are primed. Mo Tae-Bum had already set the standard with a time of 1:09.12.  As the race started they got closer to the screen trying to will on their skater to beat Davis, to have a collective fist pump in my direction. But coming around the second turn it was evident, that this guy was not their savior, Davis took over and started putting some distance between them, but things were still alright with the Koreans due to Mo Tae-Bum’s performance. 

Vh1 Best Month Ever Candidate: February-Shani Davis

Yet as Davis kept moving faster and things started to look pretty grim for South Korea and me. I started getting glances, looks of disappointment. Davis crossed and he was the new leader, 1:08.94, the Americans ran on to the ice and were congratulating him, and the Korean station showed it all. Let me say this my co-workers were not mad at me….just disappointed, kind of like “how could you have done this to us, Bearded Guy. How could you win this one?” 

How does one respond to that? 

I can’t say “I didn’t know we even had a team.” Although that would be mostly true, I do not want to hurt their feelings more, by saying “I did not even care about the event.” All I could do was sheepishly shrug. Avoiding their further embarrassment, they quickly dispersed but the damage had been done, at least to their psyche. 

Sorry Korea,  we are better at most sports, some that we do not even know about, than you! Beyond that apparently we have more in speed skating than Apolo Anton Ohno, who is also the arch-enemy of South Korea. I think they hate soul patches! 

Apparently this is the worse way to win in Korea: having to Stand next to Ohno

Note:  How does the US women hockey team beat Russia 13-0? Isn’t hockey their thing? Could I compare it to United States losing in football internationally? Thoughts? 

1000m Long Track Champion represent 

The Bearded Guy 

The Winter Olympics – Does Anyone Care?

The Winter Olympics start on Friday and I think I care less about them than I did about the Super Bowl.  The Super Bowl had a team I don’t care about (New Orleans) against a team I hate (Indianapolis).  Throw in the fact that I’m not in the states and the Super Bowl might as well have been the NHL Finals, except for the whole Jim Nantz thing.

I think the Penguins won the last Stanley Cup but I'm not sure

I guess I used to watch the Winter Olympics but I can’t remember anything memorable happening except for the Miracle on Ice, the Nancy Kerrigan – Tonya Harding thing and Dan Jansen getting his heart-broken over and over.  The only thing the Winter Olympics might be good for is to introduce you (me) to exotic, beautiful, foreign, female figure skaters.  It started with Katarina Witt in and then it was Kristi Yamaguchi and Oksana Baiul.  I don’t think I’ve watched too much of the last two Winter Olympics because I can’t think of any hot chicks from those games.

I’m sure the Winter Olympics offer more than just watching scantily clad, hot females, but what?  Why should I spend more than five minutes watching these games?  Part of my problem watching the Olympics is that the coverage was always America Über Alles no matter what channel they were on.  That won’t be a problem here in Korea but I still don’t care.  I’m pretty sure the coverage here will be very Korea-centric.  If a South Korean wins a  silver or bronze medal, forget about it.  If a gold is won by a Korean athlete, that athlete will automatically be the best ever at that sport and later we’ll find out how Korea invented that particular sport.    

If Kim Yu-Na wins gold in Vancouver, look for some history to be rewritten

To be honest, I’m not much of a winter person and maybe that’s why the 21st Winter Olympiad is being met with so much indifference by me.  Wait, I hate running but I am a huge track and field guy during the Summer Olympics so the lack of love for the cold can’t be the reason.  If anyone has any ideas on why I should watch the games from Vancouver, let me know. 

Is the fact that I loathe Canada a reason for my apathy?

America's upstairs neighbor