Posts Tagged ‘Pauly D’

The last time we saw the gang, they were leaving Miami a fractured family. They still thought of themselves as a family but the cracks were visible. Angelina was long gone, unable to make it through another whole season. Snooki and JWOWW were BFFs, MVP were a cohesive unit and Ronnie and Sammi were the only people who could stand Ronnie and Sammi. Season two probably beat expectations and now we’re on to season three and the crew is back in Jersey where they belong.

Notice anything different?

Season three starts with the usual scenes of everyone getting ready to go and making their way to the Jersey shore. This time there’s no Angelina. The producers decided the third times not the charm when it comes to her. She was mildly entertaining but for the most part, a total bitch. I mean they’re all bitches but she was an annoying, lying, whiny bitch and that’s the worst kind. She was able to string Jose along and get a Fossil watch out of him but pretty much the rest of the country couldn’t stand her.

In her stead we get Deena, Snooki’s best friend. They could be sisters. Deena is a dental assistant/waitress and self-proclaimed “walking holiday and “blast in a glass”. She wasn’t kidding. I bet she will be a thousand times more fun than Angelina which will automatically make her one million times more fun than Sammi. Deena couldn’t even make the ride from Poughkeepsie to Seaside Heights without dipping into the special bottle of booze she was saving for the Jersey shore. Welcome to the family Deena.

The rest of the gang you already know. Snooki and JWOWW are still friends but with Deena in the mix now I wonder if that relationship starts to change? Vinny and Pauly D are tight. Vinny looked genuinely excited when he hears that Pauly’s outside and even meets him at the door. The Situation is The Situation. Sammi and Ronnie are still together and as depressing as ever.

2/3rds of MVP

Everyone seemed happy to be returning to the shore except Sammi. She seemed like she was only interesting in bashing Snooki and JWOWW. Sammi got one shot in on JWOWW last season and she milked it the whole season. She thought she had life by the balls but little did she know, or maybe she didn’t want to know, that everyone thought she was the stupidest woman alive. Ronnie made her look so bad and she was the only one who didn’t realize it. She walked into the house like she was the queen and everyone better watch out. Ronnie is like a puppy and won’t dare do anything unless Sammi gives her approval. He may not be the best boyfriend alive but he’s learning how this relationship game works, for now.

Sammi and Ronnie arrive first and immediately piss everyone off and the rest of the group hasn’t even shown up yet. They decide to take the upstairs room. No problem, except it has three beds and nobody wants to room with them. Poor Situation, he wanted MVP to room together but since he showed up last, he has to bunk with Ronnie and Sammi. Situation tries to put a brave face on but you could tell he didn’t like it one bit. The Situation head rub told the whole story. The rest of the girls are together while Pauly D, Vinny and Vinny’s shower caddy have the other room.

Roomies

As everyone finally makes their way to the house you see that the Snooki, JWOWW Sammi situation hasn’t mellowed one bit. Sammi seems more emboldened to be a bitch to the rest and the tension rises quickly with Deena in the mix. The group settles, has a meal and then things get more interesting. An already drunk Deena wants to show Mike her cowboy hat but ends up showing him much more. Snooki calls it a kooka and Deena calls it a na na. Whatever you call it, The Situation saw it.

Sitch tells Ronnie and Sammi. Sammi laughs and Deena gets pissed off. While the gang hangs out downstairs, Ronnie and Sammi are in their room doing nothing. Shocker. Deena goes off on Sammi and makes a comment about Ronnie which sets him off and he goes downstairs to confront Deena and drama ensues. Sammi, Snooki and JWOWW have it out again about the note. Snooki drops a story, which may or not be true, about Ronnie’s mom calling her and asking what Ronnie’s doing with, “this boring-ass bitch”. Ronnie calls Snooki a loser from Poughkeepsie. Deena wants a piece of Sammi but instead Sammi gets JWOWW. The whole time, Vinny, Pauly D and The Situation are watching as if they’re at a tennis match. Their heads are going back and for with every insult being thrown across the room. Plus, Deena calls Sammi a cunt on the first day. Way to start out season three.

Like sisters

Somewhere between everyone showing up at the house and Deena showing Mike the goods, Snooki and Vinny have a falling out. Deena, Snooki and Vinny were in the hot tub and Vinny was creepin’ on Deena and that made Snooks very angry. Seems Vinny hooked up with her friend Ryder in between seasons and now she doesn’t want him hooking up with another one of her friends, her best friend. Snooki offers herself but Vinny doesn’t want to ruin their friendship and another fight has started. Looks like drama will dominate this season. Why wouldn’t Snooki be angry with Deena?

Awkward!

Next week we’ll get the conclusion of the JWOWW – Sammi fight. Looks like a good one. The only complaint I have about this episode is the end. For some reason they decide to show a season preview and we see some pretty interesting things. Looks like the Ronnie-Sammi thing will come to a screeching halt but I don’t know how permanent that will be. The most interesting thing is that they show a clip of Sammi, Deena and Snooki playing and sliding down the steps. How can this be? How can Snooki have anything to do with Sammi? Where’s JWOWW during this whole thing? Can’t wait to see what unfolds. I hope this season we get to meet Jay 420, Johnny Yanks and Bill.

“The way you treat people in this house is the way you’re gonna get it back.” – Vinny

Welcome back to Jersey

It’s official, Ronnie and Sammi are both batshit crazy.  Last week Ronnie called Sammi a f**king c**t and she still loves him.  The episode starts off with a recap of Ronnie being totally destroyed and hitting on anything that moves.  Cut to this week and the boys are coming home with Ronnie boasting about doing “mad work”.  After laughing it off, Ronnie goes and gets in bed with Sammi and, being the psycho she is, she lets him.  Seeing Ronnie make his way to her bed I thought to myself, this might be the first reality show where we see an actual rape.  It didn’t happen, yet.

There has to be something seriously wrong with Ronnie.  He’s so up and down and it has nothing to with his excessive drinking.  Sober Ronnie is a mess.  The guys looked very uncomfortable with him at the club and they felt uncomfortable with him talking about how much mad work he did and how he’s gonna go get in bed with Sammi.  These guys better be more careful with Ronnie, he could end up getting them all in trouble.

Most of the episode centers around Ronnie and Sammi.  They both love each other but Ronnie thinks it’s ok to creep because he can always deny, deny, deny.  I think they broke up like five times this episode.  The tender moment of the show came when Ronnie decides that getting a tattoo is a good way to clear his head and Sammi comes along to support him.  Aww!!!  I’m hoping this season ends in a Ronnie-Sammi wedding because that marriage would be a show of its own.

I think I've seen this episode before

Angelina almost gets beat up by JWOWW again.  That might be a recurring theme until she leaves and she will surely be gone.  The question is when?  I read a spoiler and it said that when the gang goes back to Jersey a new cast member will be introduced and Angelina will be gone.  I bet The Situation and Pauly D can’t wait for her to go because she was back to her cock blocking self.  After she got done getting hammered and dancing with other chicks, she decides that Pauly D dancing and making out with an engaged woman was a no-no.  This coming from a woman who was dating a married man in the little she was in of season one.

At the end of the night, back at the house, she tells both The Situation and Pauly D that she loves them but she seems really in love with Pauly D.  She’s telling him that he shouldn’t be creeping on an engaged woman and ends up slapping Pauly D.  Pauly D yells at her to stay out of his business and for her to stop touching him.  The Situation and Pauly D tell her that they were the only ones in the house that liked her but they’re done.  Angelina is all alone now.  She’s beginning to seem like a tragic character.

The clock is ticking on Angelina

The gang does have to work this season.  I thought they would’ve done away with that since they’re making so much money per episode.  They meet their boss at the gelato shop.  This should be interesting.  I bet we lose Angelina the first day she has to go to work.  We all know how averse to work she is.

Vinny is following the same formula he had in the first season.  He’s very quiet early on but I bet he breaks out in the upcoming episodes.  Just listening to all the people in the house you can tell that Vinny is the brains of the operation.  He knows what’s right and wrong.  Vinny tries to help the others make the right decisions but even he can’t save them from themselves.  On the other hand, The Situation has no use for the Bro Code.  He doesn’t mind spilling the beans on anyone.

The Situation needs to read this

Besides the up and downs of the Ronnie and Sammi relationship, we had a gem from The Situation.  He told us all the secret of, “The shirt before the shirt”.  In a nutshell, “the shirt before the shirt” is the undershirt you wear before you put on the actual shirt you’re gonna wear for the evening.  Most likely it’s a wife-beater.  I’ve been wearing “the shirt before the shirt” for years and didn’t even know it.

The episode was light on JWOWW and Snooki except for them wanting to kick Angelina’s ass.  Hopefully we get more from these two next week.  I’m sure the first day of work should be interesting.  See you next week.

Quote of the week:

The Situation:  Yeah, I’d like to place an order for pick up please.
Delivery guy:  What’s your name?
The Situation:  Situation.
Delivery guy:  The name?
The Situation:  Yeah. Situation. Capital S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Delivery guy:  Whatever man, What’s the order?

The gang is back, even Angelina.  The summer is finally starting to pick up.  I didn’t have high hopes for this season but I’ve already changed my mind.  No matter how famous and rich these guidos and guidettes get, they’ll always be the cast of Jersey Shore.  Wow, jet-setting around America and being wooed by Hollywood didn’t do anything for the group.  They are exactly the same as they were last season and that’s a win for us.

Right off the bat, did you see Snooki’s boyfriend?  Ouch!  She wasn’t kidding when she called him a gorilla juicehead.  She said she didn’t want to cheat but couldn’t really promise anything.  Sorry Emilio, it was nice knowing you.  Although, it would be nice if he goes to visit her when the filming starts in Jersey again.  I can see him going crazy on some dude over Snooks.  Maybe we could have an all steroid match between Ronnie and Emilio.  Hopefully people have learned not to mess with “The Smush Captain”, Ronnie.

Pauly D and The Situation decide to take a road trip down to Miami and that should be fun but seriously, what could they have to talk about other than partying, girls and GTL?  Nothing really interesting happened on this road trip except the guys decided to buy fireworks and got their SUV stuck out somewhere trying to find a place to set them off.  Good thing Pauly D is a AAA gold member.  Oh, Pauly D casually mentions that he hooked up with Angelina in LA and then he moved on to the next girl.  WTF???  Pauly D and the loathsome Angelina, we have a sub plot.

The first time we see The Situation he’s decked out in ed Hardy head to toe.  I’m seriously starting to think Ed Hardy is the official outfitter of Jersey Shore.  Too bad nobody told the cast that Ed Hardy is not cool anymore, if it ever was.  How do I know it’s not cool?  I read it on Stuff White People Like.

Way to play both sides Mike

JWOWW took to Snooki in Season 1 and now JWOWW is like Snooki’s big sister.  They decide to drive down to Miami together as well.  Again, what could they possibly talk about other than tanning and juiceheads?  Wait, Snooki doesn’t tan anymore.  Thanks Obama!  Snooki gets her orangish hue from a bottle now.  Actually, I told you about that in my Jersey Shore update three months ago.  Speaking of tanning, JWOWW is bringing a whole carry-on bag of bronzer with her for the trip.  It looks like Pauly D’s suitcase of hair gel and Ronnie’s luggage full of steroids…errr…protein powder from season 1.

Don't mess with JWOWW

Besides hating on Angelina, the girls decide to stop in a country bar in Savannah, Georgia where the girls find no one inside except a dude who totally knows who they are and tries to get some camera time.  I’m sure he won’t be the last guy or girl trying to creep so he/she can get on the show.  Snooki discovers fried pickles and they high tail it out of Hicksville on their way to Miami.

Emilio who?

Vinny is having a big Sicilian dinner before heading off to Miami.  His uncles want him to “hump and bang everything”.  That’s classy.  Looks like instead of his family being mortified with everything that happened in season 1 they want more of the same, and more, from Vinny.  America is so over!

He wants a girl a night. Good luck with that.

Then we get Angelina.  How they let her back in the show is beyond me.  She says she’s back to show the world the other side of Angelina, the real her.  After I watched the episode I figured out there’s only one side and that side’s a bitch.  Seems Pauly D and Angelina have been talking on the phone a lot.  Pauly says he doesn’t care either way if she’s there but I think otherwise.

Ronnie is a juiced up as ever and still has his stupid haircut.  He’s shown yucking it up with his friends before he leaves.  One of his, most likely a douche, friends had a great line.  He told Ronnie to break his friends balls (Vinny, Pauly D, Situation) about the double baggers they bring home.  A double bagger is a chick you need two bags for, one for her head and another for yours in case her bag falls off.  Ronnie’s friends must be a blast to hang out with.

When asked what he’s gonna do this year, Ronnie responds with “have a good time and get creepy”.  Check on the second part but if he hooks up with Sammi, and he will, there will be no having fun.  Guaranteed he’ll break his “don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore” rule again and most likely every year he’s on the show.

The Smush Captain or Sloppy Joe?

The least fun member of the cast, Sammi, talks about how it’s gonna be weird seeing Ronnie again and living in the same house with him.  The very next thing she said is how she still loved him and doesn’t know what’s gonna happen.  No matter how much we don’t want it, those two are getting back together and it will be another train wreck.

I still love Ronnie!

JWOWW and Sammi look like they’ve lost some weight but I have yet to see if Sammi still has those thick legs of hers.  Everyone else is pretty much the same.  JWOWW looks about 10x hotter than last season.  Thankfully, she didn’t get more breast implants.  It would have made her look cheap(er).

Pauly D and The Situation show up at the house first.  It’s a way nicer place than they had in Jersey.  They claim their rooms and Angelina shows up with an actual suitcase.  She thinks the guys are nice to her so she decides to bunk with them.  The Situation is not happy as he should be.  If Angelina lasts, I can see her being her usual cock blocking self and fucking shit up for him and Pauly D.

Everyone was happy to see each other except Angelina.  Vinny said “Who?” when Pauly D said she was there.  Angelina immediately tries to buddy up to Sammi by asking her if they’re cool but Sammi says, “We’ll see.”  Not a good sign for Angelina.  Pauly D seems to be the only one who (secretly) doesn’t mind her being there.  I think he sees it as a hook up opportunity.  The Situation is playing both sides of the Angelina drama.  He tells everyone he doesn’t know why she’s back but then tells her to be tough and forget about what the others think.  The Situation is douching it up right off the bat.

If it’s possible, Angelina is more annoying and more of a bitch than last season.  I like the way Angelina said she was trying to be classy in the taxi when the girls were ignoring when in actuality she was being a huge bitch.  JWOWW wants to beat her ass but Angelina wants no part of her.  Smart move Angelina.  Looks like people wanting to beat the shit out of Angelina will be a recurring theme, at least in the first two episodes.  Snooki’s next and then it’s Sammi.  Should be fun.

This is what class looks like

The gang goes out and Ronnie and Sammi fight in the bar.  Peter Allen once said, “”Everything old is new again.”  I think he was talking about this relationship.  They go back and forth and at one point Ronnie is starting to cry while he’s talking.  The fight continues in the taxi at which point Ronnie calls Sammi and f**king c**t.  Ouch!  That’s probably one of the worst things you can call a woman.  Ronnie bails and Vinny follows, probably to make sure Ronnie doesn’t hurt someone or himself.

Ronnie and Vinny meet up with Pauly D and The Situation and Ronnie is bat shit crazy.  Either Ronnie is psycho or his roid rage is starting to kick in.  He’s just all over every chick in the place and looks sloppy drunk.  Pauly D says he loves “single Ronnie” and I think he would be lots of fun but too bad it won’t last long.  The Situation is amazed that Ronnie is hooking up with grenades, bigger ugly chicks, and landmines, thin ugly chicks.  Ronnie is just a mess.

Angelina is also there and she sees everything going on with Ronnie.  She would love to tell Sammi but since their not friends she’s gonna hold off on the stories for a later time.  Can’t wait.  You just know Ronnie will deny everything.

Before the show ends, Sammi professes her love for Ronnie again.  Yuk!

This is gonna be a great season.  I didn’t think season 1 could be topped but this should do it.  I almost forgot, The Situation is still gonna try to hook up with Sammi.  That should be interesting.  See you next week.

Quote of the week:  “I like being tan, bitch!!” – Snooki to Angelina in the cab

Season 2 of MTV’s Jersey Shore just kicked off and Reverse Oreo Sports wants you to know that we’ll be here to give our take on one of the greatest shows on TV.  Our posts on season 1 were some of our most viewed on this site.  Seems the world likes looking at pics of Snooki and JWOWW.  The Bearded One has already seen the premier of season 2 and I will be checking it out tonight.  Look for something to drop very soon.

I wonder how long Angelina lasts?

GTL and Guido for life!!!

Our favorite summer friends. Look at JWOWW!!!

I finally watched the season finale of Jersey Shore and, I’m serious when I say this, I will miss the show.  At the same time, I don’t think this season can be topped.  I know they’re coming back but I think it might be a mistake.  The show was too good, too fresh in the first season.  The cast members were average Guidos and Guidettes.  No more.  Now everyone is a star and they have gotten around.  Watching season one you got the feeling that none of the cast members ever ventured outside their neighborhoods but now they’re going to The Grammys, Fashion Week and, for sure, The Super Bowl.  Snooki and The Situation were much better when they had no worldview.  Now, they’re celebrities and they are going to act like celebrities. 

MTV, in all their wisdom, wants to capitalize on something hot so they’ll do this by killing the show.  They want new episodes in a hurry so now the cast, including Angelina, will be back together for a season two.  Except, forget about that whole being on the Jersey Shore thing.  The new season will be filmed somewhere, probably South Beach, so they can start filming as soon as possible.  Also, each cast member will be making ten large an episode.  So, they don’t have to pretend to work in order to stay in the house and they don’t get to hang out with other Guidos and Guidettes.

The cast is the same but they will never be the same.

Snooki was not palatable to guys hanging out on the Jersey Shore but she will definitely be a hot commodity in South Beach now that’s she’s a star and making $10K an episode.  The Situation literally repelled women in season one; girls would not even answer his calls.  Now, he’ll have to beat them off with a stick.  What will become of Vinny?  I think we’ll see the biggest change in him.  I don’t think mom will be bringing food and clean laundry all the way down to South Beach. 

If MTV was smart, they would bring the cast together again for season two at the same beach house and keep this going, season after season, until every cast member dropped out.  Some would get married, some would get pregnant, some might be in jail.  I’m sure by season five the field would be thinned.  In season 15, The Situation and Snooki would be the only ones left. 

If I ran MTV this is what Jersey Shore season 15 would look like.

Will I watch the new season?  Hell yeah!  I just hope Sammi and Ronnie aren’t dating in season two.  Let Ronnie fly.  I can see Angelina and, a hopefully single, Sammi being the biggest cock-blockers ever.  Whatever happens, we will be able to figure out where the show is going in the first ten minutes of season two.  If they have changed, we’ll know. 

Cockblock much?

As for the finale, most people called it anticlimactic but I enjoyed the show.  They seemed like family in the end.  Mike, no matter how much the others protest, was the man of the house.  He kept things together.  Is he still a douche?  Yes, but he does have a sensitive side.  He was like an older brother to Snooki.  Well, until they made out in the hot tub.  Does anyone find it odd that Vinny is the only one who caught something (pink eye) at the Jersey Shore?  I thought it was funny that they all realized that the whole summer they didn’t really spend any time on the beach so they had to make up for it on the last weekend.  Of course, Ronnie and Sammi had to go do their own thing the last night.  Why should  that night be any different from the rest of the summer?

I gotta be me.

Bye season one.  You will be missed.

Episode 7 & 8 were not the best of the bunch but very good nonetheless.  As much as I like Vinny, Pauly D is moving up the charts as the best cast member on the show.  The dude is just cool.  He doesn’t say a lot but, then again, he doesn’t need to.  He has much game.  Why Pauly, why, are you going to hang out with Danielle again?  She’s obviously psycho and she’s definitely not going to put out.  The third time she popped up on the boardwalk, you should have hit the eject button on her.  If Pauly can get her to give it up, going back on her Jewish faith, then he will shoot to number one with a bullet.  

Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish .....whatever..... keep your daughters away from this guy.

Snooki reveals, after a huge burn from The Situation, that she had an eating disorder that she only cured a year ago.  Not buying it.  She says she used to eat a cracker a day because she was so worried about her looks.  No F’n way.  Unless, for the last year, she’s been eating nothing but Big Mac’s and pickles every damn day.  She’s north of 120 bills and looks like she’s always been that way.  

She said in episode 7 that she’s not a whore unless she’s been drinking.  Nice.  She falls in love with the next guy she sees at the clubs.  But just like The Situation, she’s not been able to close the deal.     

The cracker a day diet?

The Situation.  Has there been anyone as annoying on tv as this guy?  He obviously had his heart broken by Sammi and is still trying to deny it.  His diss on Ronnie is that he made out with Sammi first so somehow he’s one up on him.  Also, not buying it.  Sure Mike, you held Sammi’s hand first but Ronnie’s hittin’ it every single night bro.  Edge: Ronnie.  His bust up with JWoww and pointing out to Sammi that Ronnie was talking to a girl only further solidifies his induction into the Douche Hall of Fame.  He won’t have to wait five years after he retires, he gets in immediately.  He’s a unanimous Hall of Famer.   

GTL baby! Douche HOF

Ronnie continues to get the life sucked out of him.  You can see that, left to his own devices, he would be a pretty crazy guy to hang out with.  You can also see that he just wants to kick the shit out of The Situation.  I liked that he was talking to a girl (harmless) while Sammi was watching and then when confronted about it, he absolutely denies it.   

When are guys going to realize to stop fucking with Ronnie.  He’s 2-0 since the show started with 2 KO’s (they would’ve stopped the first fight for sure).  If MTV had CompuBox stats like HBO, then Ronnie would be connecting at around 99%.  Ronnie jacked-up that dude in episode 8 with one punch.  “That’s one shot kid!”  He was out cold on the pavement.  It was funny watching him try to get up.  Unfortunately, Ronnie got arrested and we’ll have to wait ’til this week to see what happens.  Who’s next  

Wanna go to the gun show?

Except for punching/hitting The Situation, JWoww was pretty quiet in the two episodes.  Somehow she still has a boyfriend.  That guy has to be the stupidest person in the world.  House music or no, JWoww doesn’t seen like a one man kinda girl.  

I never said they're real.

Vinny was solid as always.  He just loves to get under The Situation’s skin.  I wouldn’t doubt it if he banged Mike’s sister out of spite.  On second thought, maybe not.  He seems like he’s better than that.  He had the best quote of the episodes when he told The Situation, “How’s my dick taste bro?”, after Mike stole his girl in AC.  

Can I interest you in a fist pump?

 

Final episode this Thursday.  I’m gonna miss this show.  There’s no way they can top this. 

 

I hate reality TV as much as anyone but this is one of my favorite shows right now.  I know there are not many more episodes left and that makes me sad.  How can they top this season?  There is no way they can.  If they got a new cast I think it wouldn’t work because the new cast wouldn’t be genuine, they would be trying to be like the original cast.

This cast is real.  This is who they are.  They’re not on TV to be who you want them to be, they are themselves.  You can’t make this shit up.  Most of the time I’m just amazed that these people are able to function in everyday life.  Episode 6 showed me that Vinny, although the most normal, gets a lot of help from his mom.  For the guys, except Vinny, their daily life consist of GTL, gym, tanning and laundry.  For the girls, I’m not sure but I think eating, tanning, hair and more eating is what they’re into.  I like the fact that everyone is so tan but not one of them has probably ever spent much time out in any real sun, except Vinny. 

From watching this show I gather that spending time on the Jersey Shore is pretty much eating, creeping on girls/guys, going to clubs, having a dance-off to house music and getting into a late night fight with douche guys and very questionable women.  One thing I learned from this show is that if house music is playing, you can pretty much grind on anyone you want without fear of your significant other getting the wrong idea.  After all, “We were having a dance-off, it’s house music.”  Like you could be doing anything else while house music is playing other than having a dance-off.

The Cast:

Angelina – The worst of the group and, luckily, she left early.  A lazy-ass, cock blocker who was so annoying.  Good luck being married to the guy who’s getting a divorce and pumpin’ out kids like it was going out of style.

Jwoww – Probably some of the worst fake tits you’ll ever see but when she’s your friend, she’s your friend for life.  Didn’t think much of her but lately she’s been growing on me.  Probably the prettiest/sluttiest girl on the show but that’s not saying much.  I liked when she had to call her boyfriend because she thought she made a mistake at the club by grinding on Pauly D.  Just like everyone on the show, there’s no long-term thinking to anything she does.

Sammi – Probably would have been good as a regular cast member but annoying as someone’s girlfriend.  Her mood swings will give you whiplash.  She has Ronnie wrapped around her finger.  She can dish it out but she can’t take it.  Don’t talk about her big (Fred Flinstone) toe.

Snooki – Oh my.  She’s probably 4ft10 and somewhere north of 120 pounds.  No worries, that doesn’t stop her from trying to hit on every guy in the house and at the clubs.  Just like the others, she seems to have only one dance move.  She is or may have been a vet tech so she doesn’t eat lobsters.  Her skin looks like leather and she’s only 21.  I would like to see her when she’s 40.  I pretty sure she’ll still be hanging around the Jersey Shore then.

Vinny – My favorite cast member.  He wasn’t in the first three episodes much but has made quite a comeback.  He stole his boss’/landlord’s (ugly, older) girlfriend but was able to keep his place on the show.  He’s not into the gym or going tanning and doesn’t need to go to the laundry cause mom is taking care of that.  We learn in episode 6 that his mom is from Sicily.  When his mom brought all the food and his clothes, I thought I was Vinny.  His mom says she never runs out of food.  That’s the way it was in my (Sicilian) house.  The montage at the beginning when Vinny is having dinner with about twenty relatives, that’s my life.  There but for the grace of God go I.  Vinny was ready to jack somebody up for punching Snooki so I wonder, as does The Bearded One, if anything will come of that.

Ronnie – Probably bi-polar or suffering from roid rage or both.  Follows up his statement in episode 1, “Don’t fall in love on the Jersey Shore”, by promptly falling in love on the Jersey Shore.  Nice move.  He seems like a genuine nice guy if he’s your friend.  Brought a huge-ass tub of protein powder to the house but surely there had to be some roids in his suitcase somewhere.  Beats the shit out of some prick in episode 6.  The guy got what he deserved.  His relationship with Sammi is a mess.  He’s so pussy-whipped and has cried at least four times on the show.  Could be having a better time if not tied down to no fun Sammi.

Pauly D – The oldest, at 28, of the bunch.  He’s a DJ  and probably will be for life.  I don’t see him being any amount of credits short of getting his degree in something other than being a Guido.  He’s a huge fan of tats and has what looks to be a sweet Cadillac tattoo running down the right side of his body.  Nice guy and is not afraid to creep on anyone’s girl.  Even jumped on a grenade for The Situation, which he has since regretted.

Mike a.ka. The Situation – First of all, best nickname ever.  The Situation is having trouble finding a girl because I don’t think The Situation can love anyone as much as he loves The Situation.  Acts the coolest, talks the biggest but has very little game.  Girls seem almost repelled by him.  The Bearded One is right, everything he says comes back to bite him in the ass.  Makes a mean sausage and peppers but that seems to be about it.  He doesn’t realize that everyone in the house, and America, thinks he’s a douche.  Stood idly buy while Snooki got punched in the grill and then was creeping on a girl as the chaos was coming to an end. 

GUIDO 4 LIFE!!!