Posts Tagged ‘Clippers’

Sometime between 1845 and 1846, Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote Sonnet 43 in which she opined: “How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.”  The then Elizabeth Barrett wrote this during her courtship with poet and playwright, Robert Browning.  If she were around today, you could easily see her totally writing this for Tom Brady.

Let’s not pretend, as guys, we don’t have man crushes on athletes.  What’s a man crush?  Here’s what Urban Dictionary defines man crush as:

  1. When a straight man has a “crush” on another man, not sexual but kind of idolizing him.
  2. A man who has a crush on another man without sexual attraction.
  3. A man having extreme admiration for another man, as though he wants to be him.

There are more definitions but these are the ones I’m thinking about.  If a dude reads this and still says that he’s never had a man crush on an athlete, bullshit!  We’ve all  been there.  I’ll tell you some of my man crushes later but now let’s talk about my current man crush, Tom Brady a.k.a. “White Jesus”.  Some of you might be shocked that I’m writing about something I actually like and not just Jersey Shore.  I don’t hate everything and everybody just most everything and everybody.

How do you not like this guy?

I don’t know what the phenomena is when someone is good that we have to instinctively not like him but it shouldn’t apply here.  Tom Brady was a good college player but not the greatest.  There wasn’t some huge hype leading up to the 2000 NFL Draft.  Brady was drafted 199th.  Here are some of the quarterbacks chosen before White Jesus:

  • #183 – Spergon Wynn – Cleveland Browns
  • #168 – Marc Bulger – New Orleans Saints
  • #163 – Tee Martin – Pittsburgh
  • #76 – Chris Redman – Baltimore Ravens
  • #65 – Giovanni Comazzi – San Francisco 49ers
  • #18 – Chad Pennington – New York Jets

I’m not saying any of these teams should have drafted Brady because he wasn’t a highly sought after commodity.  New England thought they could do something with him and it worked out.  I just wish my team, the Cleveland Browns, had the same forethought.  Too bad Chris Palmer was our coach back then and we all know he’s no Bill Belichick.

Tom Brady will go down as one of the best quarterbacks ever.  The best ever, no, but he will be among the best.  He has three Super Bowl Rings and two Super Bowl MVP’s.  Brady’s only 33 years old so who’s to say he doesn’t win another Super Bowl or two?  He just looks so comfortable on the field and makes it look so easily.  Let’s not forget how he OWNED Peyton Manning up until Manning won Super Bowl XLI.  Without Brady, Bill Simmons never coins the term, Manning Face.

No Brady, No Manning Face

This is why guys should all want to be like Tom Brady.  From 2004 to 2006 Brady dated Bridget Moynahan.  In 2006 while Moynahan was pregnant with his child, he broke off the relationship and immediately started dating Gisele Bundchen.  Not a bad one-two punch.  Brady and Bundchen are now married and have a child.  I’m not saying he was right to dump his pregnant girlfriend but rebounding from Bridget Moynahan with Gisele Bundchen is something we mere mortals could only dream of.  What guy wouldn’t want to be Tom Brady?

There's no wrong choice.

Yes, the haircut is a little silly but a guy like Tom Brady can pull that off.  The guy is cool as hell and, yes, he’s a handsome dude too.  There I said it.  There’s nothing wrong with saying another man is handsome.

Some of my other man crushes throughout the years:

  • Joe Montana (always)
  • Brady Quinn (at Notre Dame)
  • Brent Barry (with the Clippers)
  • Ed Cota (at North Carolina) , this still lingers
  • Michael Schumacher (pre-comeback)
  • Kirk Gibson (Detroit Tigers)
  • Lou Whitaker (Detroit Tigers)
  • Martin Palermo (Boca Juniors)
  • Marco Van Basten (AC Milan)
  • Gennaro Gattuso (AC Milan), current

Again, any guy who says he doesn’t have or has never had a man crush on an athlete is only lying to himself.

OK, maybe having Helen Mirren reciting the poem turned it a little bit gay.

 

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LeBron James’ ill conceived “The Decison”  happened  on July 8th but the bad taste it left in everyone’s mouth is still here.  To be honest, I am not an LBJ fan and couldn’t care less where he decided to go unless it was to my beloved Clippers.  If that had happened, he would have automatically been my favorite player.  That didn’t happen but what did happen left most sports fans disillusioned with LeBron, ESPN and the state of sports in general.

The people of Cleveland beg to differ

I will tell you what I think about “The Decision” in a minute but if you want to get it from a pro please go to ESPN’s Ombudsman, Don Ohlmeyer, and read his magnificent piece on “The Decision”.  Ohlmeyer’s article is probably one of my favorite pieces of sports writing in a long, long time.  The only thing I would’ve added is that this wasn’t the first time ESPN blurred the line between being a news organization and self promotion.  The Adam James/Mike Leach saga last December showed that ESPN had trouble being truthful and objective when the story concerned one of their own.  Here’s Ohlmeyer’s take on that too.  Another good read.

But even before that there was ESPN’s promotion of baseball’s Home Run Derby between 1995 and 2006 and the Sosa-McGwire saga of 1998.  I have no problem with the Derby but I did have a problem with ESPN being outraged to learn that baseball players were on the juice.  I wrote a little about it here.  ESPN had specials on the Sosa-McGuire home run battle and they would even cut in on all Sosa and McGwire at bats late in the season but no one ever thought to question if these guys were clean.  Later, they felt betrayed by both Sosa and McGwire after the whole congressional hearings thing played out.  That’s an insult to all sports fans because we all had an idea it was happening but wondered why it wasn’t investigated more.  When Selig made his big announcement that MLB would be cleaning up the game of PED’s, the only people surprised to hear that players were on the juice were ESPN and MLB.  I could write a World Cup length piece on it but I’m on vacation and can’t be bothered right now.  I’ll wait until some big name star gets outed for using to write that.

Note to ESPN: A lot of people feel this way

Back to “The Decision”.  ESPN had to know that having an hour-long, prime-time show was overkill and wouldn’t go over well with anyone not living in South Beach.  If they didn’t, then they don’t know their audience and are out of touch with todays ever cynical sports fans.  Truthfully, I didn’t watch it but already hated the idea when I heard it.  I didn’t know all the details until I read the Ombudsman’s piece on it.  How did ESPN allow itself to be taken over by LeBron and his posse for one night?  What was the reward?  Sure they did mad numbers but at what cost?  They didn’t make any money because LeBron pretty much made them pay for the privilege of allowing him to be on their airwaves that night.  Plus, ESPN should’ve known that something was up when LeBron decided that he wanted the loathsome Jim Gray to conduct the interview of him on a show LeBron and Co. conceived.  My favorite quote from the Ohlmeyer piece has to do with Gray’s involvement.  Ohlmeyer writes, “if the interviewee also brings along his own interviewer, you cannot protect the integrity of the broadcast”.  Word!!!

Jim Gray? What, wasn't Stephen A. Smith available?

Not only was ESPN at fault but how did LeBron not realize what the backlash was going to be?  He went from a loveable man-child to probably one the most hated guys in the NBA.  He’s right up there with Kobe now.  I hate Kobe Bryant and now LeBron but I can’t deny these guys are talented as hell.  Oddly, I think Kobe benefits from this short-sightedness by LeBron.  I immediately wished Kobe was in the gym at the time of the broadcast and thinking to himself, “I’m gonna turn it up this year and there ain’t nothing 6-3-1 can do about it.”  Kobe somehow was more tolerable to me and another Lakers championship wouldn’t be as hard to swallow as a Miami Heat triumph.

Go ahead and win another title. As long as 6-3-1 doesn't I'm cool with it

LeBron James, for all his business acumen, seems like an insecure child sometimes.  He’s already defined his career and legacy as a failure is he doesn’t win a ring.  He needs that ring to be Michael Jordan or better.  The only thing is that Michael would never have gone to another team to get what he wanted.  Michael was going to make things happen on his terms.  People would have to join him and not the other way around.  Kobe is the same.  Magic and Larry Bird were also the same.  LeBron just wants to be part of something and if that gets him the ring, nothing else matters.  That’s why he’ll never be like Mike.

Jordan would've never joined The Bad Boys. It was his way or no way

Was it worth it LeBron?

Does Dwyane Wade realize that he’s gonna be LBJ’s lackey in Miami and not the other way around?

Be careful what you wish for Dwyane

A month ago I told you how the Chicago White Sox would win the AL Central.  I also to you not to get too happy or too bummed out with what happens in April because the baseball season is long.  Forget both those things.

The Chicago White Sox are terrible!  They are last in hitting in all of baseball.  The White Sox are batting .223 as a team.  That’s 30th out of 30 teams.  Embarrassing!  The next best (worst) team, the Toronto Blue Jays, are batting ten points higher than the White Sox.  How can this team be hitting so poorly?  Check out these pathetic averages:

J. Pierre          .204

G. Beckham    .207

C. Quentin      .173

AJ. Pierzynski  .208

A. Ramirez      .229

That’s terrible!  Only Rios (.299), Konerko (.286) and Andruw Jones (.288) are the only Sox flirting with .300.  (We) The White Sox had the same problem last year and I think the year before that.  Who’s responsible?

Maybe Beckham isn't ready quite yet

Greg Walker is in his sixth season as the White Sox hitting coach and it seems his job has been in question ever since Chicago won the World Series.  Ozzie doesn’t always seem to have his back but Walker has always been able to keep his job.  Is it finally time?  How much influence does the hitting coach have anyway?  How do players who could hit last year suddenly forget how to hit?

Sox pitching isn’t doing much better.  They’re 25th in ERA at 4.91 and their relievers have blown four out of nine save opportunities.  John Danks is the only pitcher proving his worth.  He’s 3-0 with a 1.85 ERA. Bobby Jenks, as bad as the bullpen is, hasn’t blown a save but does have a 4.50 ERA even though he hasn’t given up a home run in ten games.  Now check out these terrible ERA’s:

M. Buehrle      5.30

J. Peavy          6.31

G. Floyd          6.49

F. Garcia         5.87

Disgraceful!!!  Jake Peavy is missing something.  He’s been throwing way too many pitches.  In his first five starts he threw 534 pitches in 28.2 innings.  He’s only reached the seventh inning once in those starts.

John Danks - your new White Sox ace

The pitching will come around but I wonder if the hitting will?  There are too many big names not producing.  Who’s responsible?  What needs to change?

Is it time for Ozzie Guillen to go?  I love Ozzie.  He’s good for the game because he’s real and doesn’t pull any punches.  But, has his act gotten old on this team?  Are his rants and tantrums having the same effect on the players?  I say fire Ozzie ONLY IF someone good is available.  Getting a retread to take over this team would be a step back for a team who should be contending for the division.  The only person I’d fire Guillen for is Bobby Valentine.  He would/could light a fire and would be a huge fan favorite but would he come?  It seems he only wants the Mets job and is willing to wait around for it to become available.

I still hate Jay Mariotti

Bobby, this job would be great for you and you’d own this town if you could turn this team around.  Think about it.  White Sox fans can bring it game in and game out, if they’re winning, and you’d love the atmosphere and passion.

My favorite Bobby Valentine moment

Can you imagine Bobby Valentine and Lou Pinella in the same town?  Awesome!

Whatever happens, Detroit and Minnesota are tearing up the league right now and the White Sox can’t afford to lose any more ground in the standings (6 games back).  C’mon Sox, you’re killing me!!  Clippers – suck, Browns – suck, Irish – suck, White Sox – suck.  God, I hate sports!!!

I still love you wrestling