Sometime between 1845 and 1846, Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote Sonnet 43 in which she opined: “How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.”  The then Elizabeth Barrett wrote this during her courtship with poet and playwright, Robert Browning.  If she were around today, you could easily see her totally writing this for Tom Brady.

Let’s not pretend, as guys, we don’t have man crushes on athletes.  What’s a man crush?  Here’s what Urban Dictionary defines man crush as:

  1. When a straight man has a “crush” on another man, not sexual but kind of idolizing him.
  2. A man who has a crush on another man without sexual attraction.
  3. A man having extreme admiration for another man, as though he wants to be him.

There are more definitions but these are the ones I’m thinking about.  If a dude reads this and still says that he’s never had a man crush on an athlete, bullshit!  We’ve all  been there.  I’ll tell you some of my man crushes later but now let’s talk about my current man crush, Tom Brady a.k.a. “White Jesus”.  Some of you might be shocked that I’m writing about something I actually like and not just Jersey Shore.  I don’t hate everything and everybody just most everything and everybody.

How do you not like this guy?

I don’t know what the phenomena is when someone is good that we have to instinctively not like him but it shouldn’t apply here.  Tom Brady was a good college player but not the greatest.  There wasn’t some huge hype leading up to the 2000 NFL Draft.  Brady was drafted 199th.  Here are some of the quarterbacks chosen before White Jesus:

  • #183 – Spergon Wynn – Cleveland Browns
  • #168 – Marc Bulger – New Orleans Saints
  • #163 – Tee Martin – Pittsburgh
  • #76 – Chris Redman – Baltimore Ravens
  • #65 – Giovanni Comazzi – San Francisco 49ers
  • #18 – Chad Pennington – New York Jets

I’m not saying any of these teams should have drafted Brady because he wasn’t a highly sought after commodity.  New England thought they could do something with him and it worked out.  I just wish my team, the Cleveland Browns, had the same forethought.  Too bad Chris Palmer was our coach back then and we all know he’s no Bill Belichick.

Tom Brady will go down as one of the best quarterbacks ever.  The best ever, no, but he will be among the best.  He has three Super Bowl Rings and two Super Bowl MVP’s.  Brady’s only 33 years old so who’s to say he doesn’t win another Super Bowl or two?  He just looks so comfortable on the field and makes it look so easily.  Let’s not forget how he OWNED Peyton Manning up until Manning won Super Bowl XLI.  Without Brady, Bill Simmons never coins the term, Manning Face.

No Brady, No Manning Face

This is why guys should all want to be like Tom Brady.  From 2004 to 2006 Brady dated Bridget Moynahan.  In 2006 while Moynahan was pregnant with his child, he broke off the relationship and immediately started dating Gisele Bundchen.  Not a bad one-two punch.  Brady and Bundchen are now married and have a child.  I’m not saying he was right to dump his pregnant girlfriend but rebounding from Bridget Moynahan with Gisele Bundchen is something we mere mortals could only dream of.  What guy wouldn’t want to be Tom Brady?

There's no wrong choice.

Yes, the haircut is a little silly but a guy like Tom Brady can pull that off.  The guy is cool as hell and, yes, he’s a handsome dude too.  There I said it.  There’s nothing wrong with saying another man is handsome.

Some of my other man crushes throughout the years:

  • Joe Montana (always)
  • Brady Quinn (at Notre Dame)
  • Brent Barry (with the Clippers)
  • Ed Cota (at North Carolina) , this still lingers
  • Michael Schumacher (pre-comeback)
  • Kirk Gibson (Detroit Tigers)
  • Lou Whitaker (Detroit Tigers)
  • Martin Palermo (Boca Juniors)
  • Marco Van Basten (AC Milan)
  • Gennaro Gattuso (AC Milan), current

Again, any guy who says he doesn’t have or has never had a man crush on an athlete is only lying to himself.

OK, maybe having Helen Mirren reciting the poem turned it a little bit gay.

 

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Comments
  1. karen says:

    LOL i love Tom Brady Too!

  2. Kennedy Wong says:

    MIKE VICK FOR PRESIDENT!!

  3. sittingpugs says:

    The Helen Mirren reading was not as impressive as I was expecting. I think Tilda Swinton or Charlotte Gainsbourg would’ve been more suitable. Mrs. Mirren makes the poem much more serious than is necessary.

    I’ve always found it helpful to be able read a poem while hearing it.

    *How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
    I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
    My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
    For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
    I love thee to the level of everyday’s
    Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
    I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
    I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
    I love thee with a passion put to use
    In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
    I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
    With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
    Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
    I shall but love thee better after death.*

    Do you have a preference of Mr. Brady’s hairstyle?

  4. sittingpugs says:

    Kristin Scott Thomas—oh yes.

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