Jersey Shore Season 2 – Episode One – Everybody Hates Angelina

Posted: August 4, 2010 by The Mark in Televison
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The gang is back, even Angelina.  The summer is finally starting to pick up.  I didn’t have high hopes for this season but I’ve already changed my mind.  No matter how famous and rich these guidos and guidettes get, they’ll always be the cast of Jersey Shore.  Wow, jet-setting around America and being wooed by Hollywood didn’t do anything for the group.  They are exactly the same as they were last season and that’s a win for us.

Right off the bat, did you see Snooki’s boyfriend?  Ouch!  She wasn’t kidding when she called him a gorilla juicehead.  She said she didn’t want to cheat but couldn’t really promise anything.  Sorry Emilio, it was nice knowing you.  Although, it would be nice if he goes to visit her when the filming starts in Jersey again.  I can see him going crazy on some dude over Snooks.  Maybe we could have an all steroid match between Ronnie and Emilio.  Hopefully people have learned not to mess with “The Smush Captain”, Ronnie.

Pauly D and The Situation decide to take a road trip down to Miami and that should be fun but seriously, what could they have to talk about other than partying, girls and GTL?  Nothing really interesting happened on this road trip except the guys decided to buy fireworks and got their SUV stuck out somewhere trying to find a place to set them off.  Good thing Pauly D is a AAA gold member.  Oh, Pauly D casually mentions that he hooked up with Angelina in LA and then he moved on to the next girl.  WTF???  Pauly D and the loathsome Angelina, we have a sub plot.

The first time we see The Situation he’s decked out in ed Hardy head to toe.  I’m seriously starting to think Ed Hardy is the official outfitter of Jersey Shore.  Too bad nobody told the cast that Ed Hardy is not cool anymore, if it ever was.  How do I know it’s not cool?  I read it on Stuff White People Like.

Way to play both sides Mike

JWOWW took to Snooki in Season 1 and now JWOWW is like Snooki’s big sister.  They decide to drive down to Miami together as well.  Again, what could they possibly talk about other than tanning and juiceheads?  Wait, Snooki doesn’t tan anymore.  Thanks Obama!  Snooki gets her orangish hue from a bottle now.  Actually, I told you about that in my Jersey Shore update three months ago.  Speaking of tanning, JWOWW is bringing a whole carry-on bag of bronzer with her for the trip.  It looks like Pauly D’s suitcase of hair gel and Ronnie’s luggage full of steroids…errr…protein powder from season 1.

Don't mess with JWOWW

Besides hating on Angelina, the girls decide to stop in a country bar in Savannah, Georgia where the girls find no one inside except a dude who totally knows who they are and tries to get some camera time.  I’m sure he won’t be the last guy or girl trying to creep so he/she can get on the show.  Snooki discovers fried pickles and they high tail it out of Hicksville on their way to Miami.

Emilio who?

Vinny is having a big Sicilian dinner before heading off to Miami.  His uncles want him to “hump and bang everything”.  That’s classy.  Looks like instead of his family being mortified with everything that happened in season 1 they want more of the same, and more, from Vinny.  America is so over!

He wants a girl a night. Good luck with that.

Then we get Angelina.  How they let her back in the show is beyond me.  She says she’s back to show the world the other side of Angelina, the real her.  After I watched the episode I figured out there’s only one side and that side’s a bitch.  Seems Pauly D and Angelina have been talking on the phone a lot.  Pauly says he doesn’t care either way if she’s there but I think otherwise.

Ronnie is a juiced up as ever and still has his stupid haircut.  He’s shown yucking it up with his friends before he leaves.  One of his, most likely a douche, friends had a great line.  He told Ronnie to break his friends balls (Vinny, Pauly D, Situation) about the double baggers they bring home.  A double bagger is a chick you need two bags for, one for her head and another for yours in case her bag falls off.  Ronnie’s friends must be a blast to hang out with.

When asked what he’s gonna do this year, Ronnie responds with “have a good time and get creepy”.  Check on the second part but if he hooks up with Sammi, and he will, there will be no having fun.  Guaranteed he’ll break his “don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore” rule again and most likely every year he’s on the show.

The Smush Captain or Sloppy Joe?

The least fun member of the cast, Sammi, talks about how it’s gonna be weird seeing Ronnie again and living in the same house with him.  The very next thing she said is how she still loved him and doesn’t know what’s gonna happen.  No matter how much we don’t want it, those two are getting back together and it will be another train wreck.

I still love Ronnie!

JWOWW and Sammi look like they’ve lost some weight but I have yet to see if Sammi still has those thick legs of hers.  Everyone else is pretty much the same.  JWOWW looks about 10x hotter than last season.  Thankfully, she didn’t get more breast implants.  It would have made her look cheap(er).

Pauly D and The Situation show up at the house first.  It’s a way nicer place than they had in Jersey.  They claim their rooms and Angelina shows up with an actual suitcase.  She thinks the guys are nice to her so she decides to bunk with them.  The Situation is not happy as he should be.  If Angelina lasts, I can see her being her usual cock blocking self and fucking shit up for him and Pauly D.

Everyone was happy to see each other except Angelina.  Vinny said “Who?” when Pauly D said she was there.  Angelina immediately tries to buddy up to Sammi by asking her if they’re cool but Sammi says, “We’ll see.”  Not a good sign for Angelina.  Pauly D seems to be the only one who (secretly) doesn’t mind her being there.  I think he sees it as a hook up opportunity.  The Situation is playing both sides of the Angelina drama.  He tells everyone he doesn’t know why she’s back but then tells her to be tough and forget about what the others think.  The Situation is douching it up right off the bat.

If it’s possible, Angelina is more annoying and more of a bitch than last season.  I like the way Angelina said she was trying to be classy in the taxi when the girls were ignoring when in actuality she was being a huge bitch.  JWOWW wants to beat her ass but Angelina wants no part of her.  Smart move Angelina.  Looks like people wanting to beat the shit out of Angelina will be a recurring theme, at least in the first two episodes.  Snooki’s next and then it’s Sammi.  Should be fun.

This is what class looks like

The gang goes out and Ronnie and Sammi fight in the bar.  Peter Allen once said, “”Everything old is new again.”  I think he was talking about this relationship.  They go back and forth and at one point Ronnie is starting to cry while he’s talking.  The fight continues in the taxi at which point Ronnie calls Sammi and f**king c**t.  Ouch!  That’s probably one of the worst things you can call a woman.  Ronnie bails and Vinny follows, probably to make sure Ronnie doesn’t hurt someone or himself.

Ronnie and Vinny meet up with Pauly D and The Situation and Ronnie is bat shit crazy.  Either Ronnie is psycho or his roid rage is starting to kick in.  He’s just all over every chick in the place and looks sloppy drunk.  Pauly D says he loves “single Ronnie” and I think he would be lots of fun but too bad it won’t last long.  The Situation is amazed that Ronnie is hooking up with grenades, bigger ugly chicks, and landmines, thin ugly chicks.  Ronnie is just a mess.

Angelina is also there and she sees everything going on with Ronnie.  She would love to tell Sammi but since their not friends she’s gonna hold off on the stories for a later time.  Can’t wait.  You just know Ronnie will deny everything.

Before the show ends, Sammi professes her love for Ronnie again.  Yuk!

This is gonna be a great season.  I didn’t think season 1 could be topped but this should do it.  I almost forgot, The Situation is still gonna try to hook up with Sammi.  That should be interesting.  See you next week.

Quote of the week:  “I like being tan, bitch!!” – Snooki to Angelina in the cab

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Comments
  1. sittingpugs says:

    I don’t watch the show, probably wouldn’t be able to pick out any of the cast members in a line-up were it not for the hair-and-make-up. I want to know, who does their taxes?

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